Friday, December 19, 2008

The Cyrus Virus

I was searching youtube when I came across this image in the video's recommended for me.
I hope she wasn't trying to be sexy when this was freezeframed.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Wow, Amazing

All I really need to do to make friends is try something new.
Before I kept wondering why no one ever shone towards me as I stayed safely huddled in shell of routine.
Untill today I am no longer that snail.....I am a butterfly.
I will fly over anything and under everything to see what works to attract more friends, and soon enough I will have "flown so far around the different people in the world, and affected everyone so much" that I will be crowned the ultimate social butterfly, the one and only conqeurer of the air.
Today I tried new ways of socially interacting with the people at my work.
And maybe it was just me, but I definitly felt more accepted and like I had made a genuine impression on people.
I'm feeling beautiful inside and out, (though a bit underestimated), and i'm rolling on a high.
Over time I am going to hammer this blog article into my head as the guidance it gave me was excellent and just what I needed.
It gave me the last bit of courage I needed to stand up and do something about my apparent lack of friends.

And now I leave you with a collage that expresses how i'm feeling beautifully. I want everything in this picture including the girl ............just joking. however I would like to be able to shadow my eyes like her.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The phases that froze me

I see myself as frozen in place at the moment. A still girl who is crying inside and on the outside looks like a dried out zombie.
My eyes appear like all the juices have been sucked out of them, so insted of being bright teenage lights filled with hope and rebellion, they are prunes, with baggy skin stretched around the outsides and nothing on the inside.
I do not want to be this way, as I know it is neither charming nor intresting, insted I want to punch every little brute who appears to have many friends surrounding them.
I am aware it is my fault I have not gone out and made my own friends, I am aware it is my fault I let rejection keep me hidden, I am aware it is therefore my fault I am depressed. But still I feel sorry for myself. Sometimes the only happiness I can draw from my life is that in which tears of self-pity can give me.

Now in the past I have gone through several "phases" that made me withdraw inside myself, too afraid too ever come out again.

The Phases

•become quiteter in an effort not to look like an idiot and be safe from judgement
•Try extremely hard to make a scene so as too look like I was a "fun" person
•Try extremely hard not to try be anything so as to not make the mistake of looking like i'm trying to be something i'm not. AKA: Be really boring and quiet
•Realize i'm not making any worthwhile friends this way so try to sound wiser and smarter then I am to prove I have some kind of personality, while at the same time not making a fool of myself
•Realize I was making a fool of myself by trying to sound smarter and so purposefully try to play the "so dumb she's funny" character to counteract my idiocy and get people to see I am in fact humble.
•Realize that everyone who's anyone makes huge idiots of themselves before they become great, and so start feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. But still remain extremely introverted
•Start reading self-help articles in order to become the best person I can be, and to realize who I deep down truley am. Because now I realize all I want is too love people, be loved in return, and make a meaningful difference to the world by being the best version of me. Also to help me become more extroverted.

All the phases before the final two were stupid phases. Ones that made me emotionally distraught. The final two have made me become twice the person I used to be, and although I am still introverted and lonely, I believe I am on the road to friendship.

~Alannah at 17

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